breebop.com

This morning I poured coffee into my cereal bowl. It took me a moment to notice, and when I did, my first thought was, ‘Why is the milk brown?’

Wesley has declared 6 a.m. to be the most fitting time for a gentleman to arise. I wheedle and plead, but he spurns all my efforts to sleep until 7 a.m. It doesn’t sound like much, that humble little hour, but believe me - oh yes, it makes a difference.

I have tried putting him in the crib with some toys for a bit while I sleep nearby. He indulges me for about eight minutes, but as far as Wes is concerned, waking up doesn’t count unless he does it with me. I’ve tried distracting him with morning cuddles. They are fine, he says, thank you very much, but I think I’d rather try crawling off the bed now.

Then an hour later he starts yawning. My little master of torture may look tired, but just try putting him to bed then. Go on, I dare you. But only if you’ll be babysitting tonight. One mistimed nap, and Wes is yawning and cranky all day, and bedtime is a marathon rocking session, like a finger in the dike to keep the screaming at bay.

He is not best pleased with sleep, my little man. No, he is not entirely convinced of the need for it.

Nobody told me that sleep training would make my baby sleep worse than when I started …

I am back to ‘whateverworksville’ after learning that when Wesley goes to sleep on his own in the crib (without rocking or breastfeeding to sleep), he actually sleeps worse than when I soothe him to the edge of slumber. After almost an hour spent trying to fall asleep, Wesley wakes after a half hour or less of sleep mad as hell and incapable of soothing (let alone self-soothing). After a week of no sleep at night and no rest during the day, I’m done with that experiment.

Sleep experts, I deny thee!

As soon as I went back to my old habits, Wes returned to his 40-minute nap schedule and hour- to two-hour sleep cycle. It’s not great, but it’s a lot better than 20-minute catnaps day and night. We’re even getting the occasional nap that’s almost two hours long. Amazing!

The good news is that it’s generally taking much less time to put Wes down for naps and even bedtime - now 5-20 minutes from 40-60 minutes.

The bad news is that he’s added a banshee wail to his arsenal of nighttime vocalizations. The second he wakes up he shrieks. And shrieks. And shrieks. Sometimes a soother or nursing will calm him, and sometimes rocking, and sometimes none of the above. It’s a horrible, horrible sound to wake up to, let alone to stay awake to.

Maybe it’s teething? Or a growth spurt? Or a developmental leap? Or just vocal chord practice. Or whatever.

Yes, it’s been a loooong while since I have posted. For this, I blame baby.

I know there are zillions of mommybloggers who manage to post (daily!) despite the intense demands of their babies. I don’t know how they do it.

Wesley is now taking regular naps, but for only 40 minutes at a time. As for sleeping through the night … ha … from when he goes to bed until I go to bed, he wakes every 40 minutes or less.

We cope through unintentional co-sleeping. Try as I might to stay awake, I am so tired I fall asleep nursing when he wakes in the night. Once curled up with me, we usually get at least one three-hour stretch of sleep in the deep dark of the night. At least it doesn’t usually take long to get Wes back to sleep - it’s staying asleep that’s the problem.

Meanwhile, the baby development newsletters and the books mock me with reminders that most babies are sleeping through the night and even night-weaning now. I am comforted by regular visits to Ask Moxie, where I re-read the posts on sleep problems, filled with hundreds of comments from other moms and dads with babies who sleep as poorly (or worse!).

The hardest part of baby-parenting, I think, is the sleep deprivation. It makes everything more difficult. I am pretty good at coping with it in the day to day, but I notice it makes it harder to be patient, to remain calm when Wesley is crying, and most of all, to set and stick to priorities. I find myself flitting from task to task. There’s so much to do, and when I’m tired I find it hard to focus. I start picking up the accumulated detritus in the living room and then I get distracted by something or remember I still haven’t had breakfast and then I just get the cereal poured into the bowl … and the baby wakes up. Meanwhile, the computer is a giant time-sink. I go to quickly check email and wind up on Facebook or Google Reader.

I think about blogging, but I just haven’t had the energy, let alone the time. And anyway, what would I write? ‘My baby had a giant green poop today!’? I’m no Finslippy with the gift of making even baby poo seem hilarious.

I’m a big bucket-o-complaints today. Other days it’s all rainbows and sunshine, but right now this tired mama just wants baby to go to bed and stay there!

There are some signs of improvement: Wes is now taking regular naps in the crib (as a newborn he just wouldn’t sleep, and then would only sleep on top of me) and he’s going to bed much more easily (it used to take hours to get him to bed, then he’d be awake again 40 minutes later for another hour of rocking).

When I can step away from the big ball of frustration that he won’t sleep how I want him to, I can see that there are probably a number of likely causes for the waking:

1. Wesley is learning to crawl. He just started actually moving forward in a coordinated way two days ago (as opposed to vain squirming on the floor). He has been turning over in his sleep and waking up on hands and knees in a total panic; I think he’s been trying to crawl in his sleep too.
2. Wesley is readjusting his daytime nap schedule. He can stay awake for more than two hours at a stretch now, and also seems to want to take longer naps … but he hasn’t learned how to put himself back to sleep on his own. He has been waking at the 40-minute mark and crying, but fusses if I get him up. He keeps rubbing his eyes and showing other signs of wanting to go back to sleep. If I put him back to bed, he will often nap for another 20-40 minutes. I think he’s aiming for fewer, longer naps (he had been on a regular schedule of napping 20 to 40 minutes every 1 1/2 to 2 hours throughout the day).
3. And the biggie: Wesley hasn’t learned how to fall asleep on his own. I try to put him down awake, but if he’s not sleepy enough he wakes up all the way when he hits the mattress and then has an even harder time going to sleep. I try to rock or nurse him until he’s just falling asleep and then transition him to crib. It works during the day, but sometimes at night he panics and wakes even when I start to move towards the crib, no matter how sleepy he seems. It doesn’t seem to make a difference to the frequency of waking if he falls asleep in the crib with minimal help from me or if I rock or nurse him until he’s unconscious.
4. He may also be teething.

We are trying to stay away from a cry-it-out solution, and we’ve tried following all the usual advice (regular naps, early bedtimes, regular bedtime routine, nurse or rock only until sleepy but not asleep, making sure he’s got a full tummy, even co-sleeping) but Wesley just seems to be one of those kids who has a really hard time sleeping ‘normally’ no matter what we do.